If life is a river then the author is the stagnant pool of water near the rocks... He wants to be a bum. But sadly this is denied of him by his parents. He fights for it but still. Failure... for him there is nothing like watching TV while lying on the sofa on a cold evening or sitting on the bed with a book and a cold drink. He lives by the laws of love and is evidently a bohemian by nature. For him "carpe diem" isn’t good enough. According to him, "you don’t just seize the day, you grab it by the balls and bite the stinking cock out of It." we can blame his demented mind for that. He is just plain sick. Although branded as a cynic he is no less a good friend. Maybe a bit cheeky, wanna-be-vagrant, I don’t know... He is just everything that you’re afraid of... a good looking retard. A believer of love, a student of human nature and most importantly a free thinker.
My hands are in my pocket as I stared at the pavement moving fast from under me. It's almost 4:00 am and I am still awake -this has been happening a lot lately. I wonder what triggered this year’s insomnia attack. Maybe it's my conscience -do I even have one? I am not a bad guy, well not a "real" bad guy per se but am not exactly Teabag from Prison Break. I'm more of a Jon Stewart kind of bad guy -one who doesn't really do any damage but is just considered bad because he see's the world from a different point of view. On second thought I maybe more of a Stephen Colbert or a watered down version of Carlos Mencia. I stopped dead in my tracks look up at the sky and continued walking...
Maybe it's the water... Our boarding House change from tap water to deep well a couple of weeks ago, so we have to get our drinking water from the Tap faucet at the end of the hall overlooking the funny looking papaya tree/plant which by the way has branches. (Have you ever seen a papaya tree/plant with branches?) Then again, that's a stupid reason for an insomnia attack, why did even think of that?!
I think it's Einstein's fault! I have been reading his theories on the universe and its mind boggling, I feel like a trekkie. This sucks!
I think it’s the afternoon naps. Nah, it’s probably Her, I’ve been thinking about Her a lot lately.
Shit, I dropped my cigarette into my cup of coffee…
"It is strange that all great men should have some oddness or folly of some sort admixed with whatever genius they might have."
Look at Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawkings, they are two of the greatest thinkers of our time and look at them. How bout Bill Gates or Kurt Cobain (Donâ€™t ask, I just think he's great!) Why does every great person has this inborn anti-hero in themselves? I know some of you might answer that, "this is due to the commonly accepted fact that nobody is perfect," but letâ€™s look beyond that. What if deep inside us are two persons; one is struggling for greatness while the other is fighting for obscurity and even worse failure. It's a long shot that some of you might not accept this weird theory of mine, but who can prove it wrong if nobody would think long and hard bout it right?
Man is a paradoxical creature by nature. We need to see the horrible side of life to appreciate its good parts. We need war to achieve peace; we need to feel pain to write wonderful poetry. What if this weird characteristic of ours stems from these long suppressed and often un-entertained thoughts of failing? I mean how many times have you thought of just throwing everything in the wind and go for broke? It's much like gambling on a losing hand or betting on a donkey in a horse race. Ask yourself why do we love the underdog so much? I donâ€™t think itâ€™s not just because we want to see the weaker one win over the crowd favorite, I think it is because we can relate with the underdog, we want to be him, and we want to be the loser that everyone keeps talking about. But we are afraid because losing and failing bears such a strong negative stigma that it overwhelms us. Think about it, not all great men are winners. How many battles did the great Andres Bonifacio win in his career as a military man? How many shots did Michael Jordan miss in his entire career? Why does a soldier have to give his life to be a real hero of his cause? Let us accept people that we need to fail, in fact deep inside we want to fail and greatness stems from having that ability to overcome that urge to lose and hurdling ourselves past the mental and physical barriers that we ourselves have conjured up. Failing and winning is relative, maybe in our strive to the win we lose our sight of the goal and ended up failing. On the other hand we can throw ourselves on the lap of failure and just do our best and we end up winning. Hard work is not enough. If we can't overcome our inner, unconscious thought of willingness to fail, we will never achieve success no matter how hard our work and how solemn our prayers are.
*This could easily be one of my most stupid post....
Alone in this house again tonight I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me The way that it was and could have been surrounds me I'll never get over you walkin' away
[Chorus:] I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain From my eyes Tonight I wanna cry
Would it help if I turned a sad song on "All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way
[Repeat chorus twice]
I've been hearing this song for a long time... a constant company to almost every night that won't seem to end.
A couple of days ago this song came back like a ghost, hauntingly bitter with every vibrations of its chords. It's like watching Romeo and Juliet over and over again, but this time only Juliet dies. It kinda reminds us how hard it is to be a man right? Specially the part were we are not supposed to cry and shit.
I’ve been smoking in the non smoking section a lot lately. Not caring who gets cancer and shit –I go on billowing smoke like a runaway train on a non-existent track. That’s just one, lately, I’ve also been waking up in places where I know I have no right to be in, doing things which are unaccepted, taboo and even downright illegal.
I know I have a well known history of getting my head lead over by my heart but this time I’m pretty sure that this shit am getting into right now could pretty much cost me my life and even more… what could possibly be a greater cost than life? Well…. How about love? And happiness of a girl who is pretty much stuck between a rock and a very hard place, cuddling a baby and carrying a backpack full of heartbreaks and heartaches.
Love can really make you grow old fast… it can get arrested and tried in court too. Hehehe… this could possibly be one of the most controversial turning points in my life. I don’t think I’ve put this much on the line for the sake of my feelings. This time I am going to lay it all on the table and play my cards smart… I just hope I would get out of this with as much trust and faith in love, life and the universal power of karma when I decided to go in to this.
Dakila Ka! Lumaki ka sa Star-Rice! Isang mabuting anak ng Dekada Otsenta Pangkaraniwang Anak ng Dekada Otsenta Second-rate, trying hard, copycat Anong ginagawa mo rito? Isa kang huwad!
Your score: 99 out of 126 (85 is the average) Your percentage points: 78.57%
You did pretty well! You had a nice eighties childhood. You got out quite a bit as a child, watched the right television shows, listened to the right songs, played the right childhood games, and generally had a swell time! You look back to the eighties with fondness, and occasionally, you wish those good times were here again. Relative Standing
Below are analyses of where you stand among the population of Challenge Set A examinees. This takes into account everyone who took the test and tells you how well you did in relation to everyone.
The Examinees-Per-Score Graph. The following is a frequency distribution. It groups examinees based on the scores garnered from the test. You belong to the group represented by the dark-green bar:
Percentile Rank. Your percentile rank tells you the percentage of scores in the group of test-takers that fall below your raw score. 84 Your percentile rank of 84 means that you generally did better than 84% of the other people who took the challenge. In all of the children of the eighties, you are among the elite! Not an easy feat! That's It!
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